somedays I sit and wish I was a Kid again...

...like today!

after a long day at work, finally getting home at 11pm, my mind wandered back onto the old school days..and I can totally admit that the days of being a Kid are long gone. The past week occurrences have proved this..

• The death of a musical Legend. Not being funny or anything but I wasn't around when Elvis died, I didn't really understand why he was talked about years after his death..but Michael Jackson passing away was like an ACTUAL shock, I mean, I grew up listening to him whether I intended to or not! Memories of my older cousin "gassing up" my head, telling me Jacko had wheels under his shoes which enabled him to Moonwalk, the first time I witnessed a curly perm look GOOD (that was BEFORE my grandma experimented with the Curl Activator), he was a true icon. And whether I wanted to or not, my heart grieved. And then I realised as Elvis is still remembered for his input in music, so would Michael Jackson. I imagined myself sitting down with the grand kids, telling them "in my day we had GOOD music.." and immediately felt OLD.
  


• Driving in hackney; two school boys who looked no more than about 11, playing "chicken" with the traffic lights, attempting to run into the road..to my horror (and before I could stop myself) I leaned OUT of the window, and sternly said "behave yourselves boys", to which they gave me a sheepish look,looked down at the pavement..and yet again I instantly felt OLD. Till this day I don't know what urged me to discipline two kids that are not my own..but I could only blame it on the biological clock ticking,. (ha, for a second there, you thought I was gonna say 'boogie' didn't you!)
  


• The realisation that not only are a great number of my friends now parents, (yes, as in "mums" and "dads") but an increasing number are also becoming "husbands" and "wives"! This is great news, it seems that the marital age is being brought down, and sets a better example for the next generation; I am truly excited happy for my married or engaged (with intention of actually getting married) friends. And those who know me know that I love a good food, music, dance affair! But it does get the Bridget Jones in me thinking: Oh my GOSH, I'm actually getting OLD, my childhood friend is getting married! Which then leads onto other thought processes: marriage..doesn't that mean the ONE for the REST of my life? I then start to wonder when my own big day will be..and then start thinking of colour schemes, ideas for dresses..before i stop and tell myself WHOA! Slow down! I always have to remind myself the wedding is for a day, and a marriage lasts a LIFETIME!
  


• my younger cousin leaving school, at the age of 16. I'm there reminiscing about school days, listening to her stories of her friend's dramas, and going on like I'm all "hip" and happening", before realising I left school 5 YEARS AGO. And not only that, but I have now left my security blanket of Education behind, I'm now on my own! Its not a joke-oh!

My best friend and I have been talking about this thing called a "10 Year-Plan" and we basically understood that between the ages of 20 and 30, the decisions we make are most likely to affect our entire life, and we have individual goals put in place. Now is the time to stop spending foolishly and become a good shepherd of money, now is the time to really seek God and ask Him to guide me, because I know I can't make great decisions in my own strength (if my teenage years are anything to go by!). Most importantly, now is the time to allow Him to transform me from a child,to a lady into a Woman. I would be so quick to describe myself as a "girl", a "sister" or even a "lady", but can I really, honestly say I am a woman?

That's a journey that doesn't happen overnight!

Interestingly enough, I actually came to the realisation that in order to become not just a woman, but a woman of God, one has to seek God in the same way a child would. With the same innocence, openness; as inquisitively as a child! I actually thought to myself, "how contrary", but in actual fact, the stubborn, argumentative, "I'm always right" girl does not allow God to mould and shape her into the woman He called her to be. This revelation was such a slap in the face, because as far as I can remember, I have always been that girl.

Matthew 18:1-4 (New King James Version)

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children,you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

1 Corinthians 13:11

"when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I become a (wo)man, I put away childish things."

Okay so, back in the days I WAS child, no I'm NOT a kid anymore, and some days I MAY wish I was a kid again..but today's the day I'm putting away Childish Things!

Diary of a Fab Black WOMAN.